


Ashes, Ashes, It All Comes Down

by sandelf



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes-centric, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, endgame broke me a lil, im very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 04:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18887080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandelf/pseuds/sandelf
Summary: Bucky knew what Steve planned to do after he returned the stones.It doesn't make it hurt any less.





	Ashes, Ashes, It All Comes Down

**Author's Note:**

> title and lyrics come from Ashes by Claire Guerreso

_My mind is spun_  
_I've had enough_  
_Feels like I'm burning down the flames rise up_  
_And I can't tell what's coming next_  
_Feels life is like a game of roulette_

 

When they had nothing, they had one another.

When Bucky's world was an explosion of pain and emptiness, his name was still on his tongue.

When Bucky's memories were a fractured collection of false information and confused images, his face was the one consistent positive.

When it all comes down to it, Steve Rogers is everything he has, and everything he's ever had. Without Steve, everything fell apart for him.

That realisation swirls around like a dark cloud in his head as he watches Steve fix his suit and prepare to get on the platform. He's talking to Sam, a relaxed smile on his face as they crack jokes and make idle conversation. There's a briefcase beside him containing the six little stones that tore the world apart. Small, little devices that caused such utterly devastating destruction, and yet their presence isn't what is causing the sense of dread in Bucky's mind. Something isn't right here. Bucky can feel it deep within him. Bruce and Sam seem to be blissfully unaware but Bucky _knows_.

And then Steve is in front of him, that relaxed smile now fixed on him, and Bucky forces one in return, the expression tight.

“Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone,” Steve says.

There it is. The confirmation. The evidence that this isn't a simple mission. That the twisting ache in his chest isn't misplaced.

“How can I?” Bucky says. “You're taking all the stupid with you.”

Steve smiles again, his eyes crinkling in the corners, and the ache in Bucky's chest increases tenfold.

“I'm gonna miss you, buddy,” he says, before he can bite back the words. He makes sure the smile stays on his face, but Steve's eyes are fixed firmly on him with a knowing look.

“It's gonna be okay, Buck,” Steve responds.

They hug, and Bucky feels his breath robbed from him as they separate again. Steve smiles, gives he and Sam a nod, and turns his back to step onto the platform. Bucky lets his smile drop, instead focusing his attention on keeping his breathing calm and stopping the shake of his right hand as Steve positions himself.

 

 

He misses his exit, to Bruce and Sam's horror, and they go into panic mode. Bruce begins checking over everything, muttering to himself as he tries desperately to figure out what went wrong.

But Bucky already knows.

Nothing went wrong.

This is exactly how Steve planned it to go.

Bucky turns, glancing across the horizon of the grounds, and spots a figure in the distance. A grey-haired man sitting alone on a bench on the water's edge. Bucky's heart begins to pound so heavily he thinks it might burst from his chest as he calls Sam's name, eyes fixed on the figure.

 

 

Sam gets the shield. Takes it with a little reluctance and a nod from Bucky. Then he sits down beside Steve, asking about the gold band on his finger and about the smirk on Steve's face as he refuses to divulge any information.

But Bucky knows. He knows where Steve went. Who he went to. He's happy for him, truly. He is. This is the right ending for Steve.

But it doesn't make it any easier.

At the end of everything, Steve is all he has and all he's ever had.

 

There's a heavy weight in his chest, nausea creeping through his system and wrapping itself around his throat. Until the end of the line, they'd said.

Well, it's the end of the line.

Steve told him everything is going to be okay.

And god, he really hopes Steve is right.

 

_A cold wind sets, upon my back_   
_The sky is getting full and turning black_   
_I lost my way_   
_When I lost you_   
_I need a moment more, this can't be true_

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still not over endgame and i'm still not happy with the ending bucky and steve got so im venting through my boy


End file.
